Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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