His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize