I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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