Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
