meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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