Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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