I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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