Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your cock deserves a montage
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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