Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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