you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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