Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
