I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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