that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
