Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
