No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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