rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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