It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
