Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
