That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
