i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
