Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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