She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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