At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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