You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize