Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
