Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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