Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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