You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize