Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
