Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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