She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize