Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
