Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
