You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
