Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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