the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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