and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
