I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
