I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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