I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
