Just cropdusted the office
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
