fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
