Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
