i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
