I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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