At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think my moral compass just broke
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
