so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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