We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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