Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
