Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
