Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
