Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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