we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
