I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
