Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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