the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
