i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
