3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
