I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
