is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
