Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
