at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
