dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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