Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
