can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
