We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
