It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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