God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
