I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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