Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
