i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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