Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
