Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
