i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize