I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
