this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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